Tom
Sharing From My Journey ofFaith
My mother was a backslidden SDA (Seventh-dayAdventist) when I was growing up and so I did not attend church or receivespecific Christian indoctrination of any kind. Mom said that the SDA Church hadthe truth and that other churches were in error, even though she was currentlynot currently "practicing the truth". Since I always had such a deephunger for God I probably would have attended the nearby Congregational orMethodist Church had it not been for my mother's point of view. Why bother ifother churches were wrong? On warm summer evenings I would often lie on my backand look at the stars and I knew in my heart there had to be a God "outthere" somewhere. I would observe graveside services in the cemetery acrossthe street from our house and wonder what life was all about and whether therewas any life after death.
Over 50 years ago when I was probably 10-12years old I was alone on a sunny summer day by the old slate board at the backof our house. I was looking up the driveway covered with yellow stones that wentback to my dad's buildings when suddenly the driveway was transformed into abeautiful, glistening street of pure gold. I saw dwellings that were emanatingbeautiful light and angels going up and down the golden street. It was indescribablein any human words. I felt totally loved and overwhelmed with a sense of peacesuch that had never happened to me before. I told no one of this experienceuntil over 30 years later but just kept it in my heart. Shortly after thisvision I was alone again a short distance from my slate board and suddenly avery clear revelation came to my mind--not an audible voice but totally real.Here's what was revealed that changed the direction of my life forever.
I was told: (1) Life in this present plane wasshort and that even if I lived to be very old my life as it is now would bebrief in comparison to an eternity beyond; (2) Nothing that I was seeing aroundme would last. Sooner or later it would all pass away; and (3) I needed to livemy life with reference to eternity and not get overly attached to anything onthe material plane that I was seeing. From that day to this it has beenliterally impossible for me to become very fixated on anything of a materialnature--cars, houses, fancy clothes, sports, or anything else. Material thingsare taken lightly and used where necessary and enjoyable but I feel no deepsense of attachment to anything material and never have since that revelationwhich was so simple, plain, and made so much sense to me.
In 1951, as I was turning 14, I had a verydeep conviction that my life was empty, without meaning, and that I neededsomething I didn't have. I started to read the Bible for the very first time,Early Writings by Ellen G. White, and other SDA literature that was eithercoming through the mail or that my mom had kept around the house. Through thisvery intensive reading I soon began to experience such a sense of fullness deepwithin my soul that I determined then and there to dedicate the rest of my lifeto the pursuit of God as absolutely #1 and everything else would take secondplace. I have stayed with that focus all of my life since. Sometime that summerof 1951 I was in the optometrists office and there was a SDA magazine in thewaiting room that had a picture of Jesus the Good Shepherd reaching down to pickup the lost sheep on the edge of the cliff. The Holy Spirit told me clearly thatI was like that lost sheep and Jesus was reaching out for me and gathering me inHis arms of love. There was a coupon in the magazine for Bible lessons and Isoon started to study the Voice of Prophecy Jr. Bible Course and listening tothe weekly broadcast--my first oral Christian teaching except for perhapsUnshackled from the Pacific Garden Mission which I began listening to around1950 when it first started.
By late summer of 195l mom and dad finallyseparated after years of a very unhappy marriage and mom and I moved into townand starting attending the SDA Church she had belonged to many years before. InDecember 1951 I was baptized, an experience of deep spiritual infilling that Ishall never forget--ever! I attended a self-supporting boarding school inWisconsin my sophomore and junior years and graduated from a conference academyin Indiana in 1955. I really was heavily intrigued with Ellen White's books andread them avidly. I would spend sometimes two hours a day on my N.T. Bible classin 10th grade, mostly reading from DESIRE OF AGES.
In the fall of 1955 I enrolled in theministerial course at Emmanuel Missionary College (now Andrews U.) in Michigan.However, by my second year I could clearly see that I could never be an employeeof an organization that was so political so I became disillusioned more with thechurch organization, but not the SDA faith itself. I left college January of1957. I had received some literature of the SDA Reform Movement in Sacramentoand really studied that carefully. At the same time I got hold of 1888Re-examined by Wieland and Short and it really impacted my thinking bigtime--like nothing else up to that time. I decided to go to Sacramento and jointhe Reform as it seemed to be more closely following Ellen White than the mainSDA Church and I thought it also might have the long forgotten 1888 message thatthe book had told about but never actually defined.
The Reform group was small and there was asense of family and close fellowship which was very helpful but over time Ibecame aware of an overall legalistic way and the 1888 message surely wasn'tthere. When Robert and John Brinsmead came to S. California in late 1960, whereI was working as a minister in the Reform group, I listened to them and decidedto find my way back to the main SDA Church. One man told me that I didn't reallyget fully back to the church but "got off at the Brinsmead station."True, I'm sure. Guess maybe I was a bit of a rebel in not being satisfied withthe "status quo" lukewarmness of Adventism. The Sanctuary AwakeningMessage of Robert Brinsmead was a wonderful effort to "gospelize" the1844 sanctuary doctrine and the message of "all things are ready come tothe marriage," "behold I set before you an open door" was indeeda tremendous blessing for me and many other SDAs at that time. Many who hadworried themselves sick wondering if they could ever pass the"investigative judgment" in heaven found hope in the righteousness ofChrist as being sufficient for the judgment. I became very active in preaching,teaching and publishing the Awakening Message during the 1960s and traveled farand wide.
In 1962 when I moved to Springfield, Mo., Ivisited Assemblies of God churches several times and just loved the joy,spiritual life, peace, and dynamic Bible preaching that I heard. The first timeI heard a lady get up and give a message in tongues with interpretationfollowing I thought it was so beautiful. If I had followed my heart I would havejoined the Assemblies of God at that time but my SDA background had taught methese people couldn't be right since they didn't believe in 1844, hadn'tfollowed Jesus into the most holy place, didn't honor the true sabbath, didn'thave Ellen White, etc., etc. What a contrast the A.G. Churches were to thedeadness of the local SDA Church where I was branded as dangerous because of myBrinsmead connections. Hardly anyone there would even speak to me.
In the 1970s Brinsmead changed over to theReformation/Pauline gospel and I embraced that emphasis. However, during thatdecade I waffled back and forth because I could see that the "oldlandmarks" of SDAism, especially the 1844 sanctuary doctrine, were going bythe wayside. A time or two I even burned some of my Brinsmead magazines but myhunger for the gospel he was preaching kept bringing me back. The clarity of theN.T. gospel was the best I'd ever heard and a fire was kindled in my bones thatis still burning today.
In December of 1979 a dear friend of mine fromthe Awakening Movement days sent me a copy of Des Ford's PUC Forum tape on thesanctuary and Ellen White. He wanted me to know how "far out" Dr. Fordhad gone. So I listened to the tape with a rather prejudiced mindset. Boy, did Iget blown away spiritually! On the first listening something tremendous stirredwithin and I just couldn't believe how wonderful what I was hearing was and howmuch sense what Des was saying both about Ellen White and the sanctuary doctrinemade. I listened to the tape over and over and over again and sent to CertainSound in Angwin, California for more of Dr. Ford's tapes and just devoured them!I shared some with probably less than 5 families in my local SDA Church where Iwas very actively teaching a Sabbath School class. This got the word around thatI was identifying with Des Ford, the latest heretic of the denomination. Istarted to share some of the thoughts on the gospel in my class which was onRomans and people that were hungry for truth started to move from the otherclass to mine. Unbeknownst to me a tremendous storm of anger was brewing on thehorizon. A man in the church had friends at PUC in Angwin and they told him ofhow far from the faith Des Ford was going and how he was taking people out ofthe church, etc., etc. Finally one day the S.S. Superintendent called a specialmeeting after church. I was the center of attention, the roof nearly blew offthe church, and that ended my teaching in the SDA Church forever!
When I heard Des's PUC Forum tape I made acovenant with God early in 1980 to re-examine my SDA beliefs, set aside theEllen White writings, and just see what the Bible had to say in its historical,linguistic, and cultural context. I had studied the Bible through the eyes ofEllen White for the past 28 years. I particularly zeroed in on the 1844sanctuary doctrine and made a very in-depth study of Hebrews, especiallychapters 8-10. The more I studied the more I became convinced the traditionalSDA teaching had no basis in truth at all and was contradictory to the N.T.gospel. I called my pastor in several times to share with him what I waslearning and he just hung his head with no answers to my questions. Later on heleft the church also. I continued to attend church but most people would make acircle around me to avoid even speaking to me. I was like an invisible man. Atthat time I was too afraid to start attending another church regularly. I feltwounded and betrayed since my only intention was just to share Jesus Christ andHis gospel as I was learning it and got such a hostile reception from the"pillars" of my local SDA Church where I'd been active for years.
Little by little I began to make contacts withpastors of other churches and Christians in my community and the response was soencouraging and supportive. I attended a weekly nondenominational homefellowship for several months and it was really helpful. I felt that the gospelhad set me free to become a part of the larger body of Christ and that I mustget out of this "remnant church" elitist mentality. I had noticed formany years what wonderful Christians I met oftentimes who loved to talk of Godand Jesus but yet didn't know the "special truths of the third angel'smessage" for the last days.
By December of 1980 I started to attendregularly a new nondenominational church which had quite a few members who werecharismatics. I was very suspicious of anything like that but started to readsome books on the charismatic experience and could see that God had more instore for me. Early in 1981 I attended a CHANGE THE WORLD SCHOOL OF PRAYER andbegan to increase the depth of my prayer time. During my ever expanding prayertimes my mind would be directed to what Paul was saying in 1 Cor. 14 aboutpraying in the Spirit in unknown tongues. I felt the need to praise God in agreater way and just to worship Him with more freedom. In December of 1981,almost to the day of 30 years after my water baptism (December of 1951), I wasworshipping and praising God, and seeking His face earnestly in the quietness ofmy home and my praise was turned into another language. I felt such an infillingof the Holy Spirit and such a baptism of Divine Love. It was like being"born again" all over again. After this several of my friends who hadknown me for quite a while said there was something different about me. I justseemed so full of joy and so vibrant.
After receiving this blessing from God I beganto repent of my pharisaical attitude towards the charismatic movement and peopleand sometimes I would kneel before the Lord and just weep. Praying in tonguesfor me is just reaching out and praising and worshipping God in a greater waythan my mind will allow. That is why Paul talks about praying with theunderstanding and praying in the Spirit in 1 Corinthians 14. We need both! Atleast it has been a great blessing to me in my prayer life to pray in both ways.
Over the past 20 years since I left SDAism in1980 I've learned to appreciate the variety and richness within the body ofChrist. There is one God, not a separate God for the SDAs, the Catholics, theBaptists, etc. Each part of the church has something positive and unique tooffer. The church is composed of imperfect people and so has never been perfectdoctrinally or perfect in conduct. I have made it my business to sharefellowship with all of the segments of the Christian church and this has been soenriching and has given me a better understanding of the "whys andwherefores" of different expressions of the faith.
I have strong feelings of "family"towards the SDA Church and always will have. I love the Adventist people greatlyand only wish them good. Some of the greatest saints I've known over the yearshave been Adventists. I have tried to keep in touch with these dear ones if theywill still include me in their lives. I greatly honor and respect those who feelcalled of God to remain in the SDA Church and work for spiritual renewal. Iequally honor those who have been called to leave SDAism and minister and/orfellowship elsewhere. I do not desire to convert or unconvert people into or outof these various religious groupings. The only thing I really want to share withpeople is the closer walk with God that is available to all of His children,equally, anytime, anywhere. I don't believe God is exclusive to any of thesegroups. I tend to agree with a statement that I heard Billy Graham make oncethat as far as he was concerned all of those who reach out in their hearts forGod in any way are part of the family of God. The gospel is more inclusive thansome of us might want to acknowledge. I believe that the simple message of thegospel that we find in John 3:16, Rom. 5:12-19; 1 John 5:9-13, Rom. 10:9-13,Acts 16:30, 31, etc., is more than sufficient to prepare us for eithertranslation when our Lord returns or for death and resurrection. I cannotsupport the concept of a "special people" with a "specialmessage" above and beyond the preaching of Jesus and His salvation that theapostles preached in their day. I believe it is our task always to be restorethe faith once for all time delivered to the saints, not add something to it,change it, or clutter it up with a lot of excess baggage.
There is a lot more I could say. In summary Iwould like to quote from the words of Mary in the Magnificat which express mydeepest feelings and longings: "My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirithas rejoiced in God my Saviour" (Luke 1:46, 47 NKJV).
I would welcome dialogue or comments from anyreaders of this testimony.
Tom Durst
PO Box 5166
Spokane, WA 99205
(509) 838-7156
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